“You are not your bra size, nor are you the width of your waist, nor are you the slenderness of your calves. You are not your hair color, your skin color, nor are you a shade of lipstick. Your shoe size is of no consequence. You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, or any combination thereof. You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, nor are you the number of calories in a day. You are not your mustache. You are not the hair on your legs. You are not a little red dress. You are no amalgam of these things. You are the content of your character. You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. You are the thoughts you think and the things you wonder. You are beautiful and desirable not for the clique you attend, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but for the volume of the soul it carries.” -Unknown

I cannot claim this, but it speaks so much truth into my life. I should print this out and hang it up. It reminds me that no matter who likes me or what I am wearing or how much makeup I have on all that matters is what I do with my life. What choices am I going to make today that will either help or hurt me? Will I advance His kingdom or hinder someone from entering it?

We are messed up people. This world in crazy! We are constantly making choices that just slap God in the face, yet He sent His ONLY Son to die just for me. You may be saying, I know I have heard this a thousand times. Something hit me tonight though, I can’t forgive one little thing someone did to me; yet the God of the universe can forgive me for not glorifying HIm every single day. We however can not forgive on our own! True forgiveness can only come with God’s help! This is a topic that I have always dealt with, and can never completely master. So tonight my prayer was that I would start to rely on Him for my forgiveness. I need to forgive and be forgiven. Grudges only hurt you.

How can I expect him to care
When I just don’t want to share
My feelings are locked up and I’m scared
Of how he will react if I dared
Tell him that my feelings have grown
To a new place into the unknown
No one will ever see this side
Of the truth that lies within my eyes
For now I will just lie and wait 
For a love that may never come my way

Every Sunday Sigma Phi Lambda meets for chapter. To be honest, most of my time is spent checking twitter or hoping someone would text me. I only pay attention to what I think is “important”. My attitude has been wrong. Our awesome chaplain presented a devotional at this past Sundays chapter. It really challenged me. She spoke about being an active Christian, not a passive one that just lives the “Christian” life. We should be actively seeking out conversations and opportunities to share Christ’s love. It really made me think about Christmas. I don’t come from the wealthiest home, but I will probably receive anywhere from 300-500 dollars worth of stuff. Now granted some of the things I will be receiving I do actually need, but majority of the stuff I get will probably have a life span of a year if not shorter. I had myself convinced that by donating and handing down my clothes and shoes that I don’t want anymore I was helping someone. Yes, I am helping someone, but let’s be realistic, I have 20+ more shoes that I think I need. I have clothes that I need to keep just in case. Who am I kidding? I am not okay with my lifestyle. I know that God can use me no matter what, but I am really comfortable in life right now. That fact really scares me. I definitely think a revaluation of my heart is over due. Now, I don’t share this to get the, “O my gosh, she is awesome” response. No! I am far from even partially deserving that. I say all this to challenge you. Just think about Christmas this year and what it really means. I say I know the real meaning and can quote from memory the Scriptures about baby Jesus. When Christmas morning arrives though, my reaction is not to celebrate Him, it’s to get to those presents as fast as possible. I think this year I am gonna start some new traditions in my house. December 25th needs to be about Him not about me. I know this all might seem like rambling, but it all comes full circle to Active. What are you gonna do today to bring people closer to His kingdom? I pray that for me and all of you that as Christians we will have a heart change to be Active Christians. 

Revelation 3:16-But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!

The future?
"I don't wanna think about it! It stresses me out to think about it!" This is usually the answer I give my mom when she asks me what I want to do with my life. I swear if I had a dollar for everytime someone asked me what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, I would be rich. I have started answering them with, " You know that it is a great question." This causes people to kind of stop and look at me a little funny. You see the world expects me to have it all figured out. There is the idea, you go to college, graduate, get married, have kids, start a career and live happily ever after. Well let me tell you about my track right now. I am in college with a  degree I like, but don't love, I will graduate in 5 not four years, I don't even have a boyfriend, and I want kids but have to have  a boy for that, oh and I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. The world right now hates me. I am that fish on the poster that is a different color from all the others and I am swimming in a different direction.

            I have been looking forward to summer for quite a while. I was all excited to eat a home cooked meal and spend time with all my family. Now that I am home I have realized that those reasons were so selfish of me. I came home and it hit me how thankful I am for everything and how much I take everything for granted. I think about all the things I have been given and how much I have been blessed with. I have been reflecting on the opportunities alone that I have been given. Yes, my life has had its disadvantages and things that could have gone differently, but my life has also been so full of life and love. (that sounds so cliché) I could not ask for a better life though and better family. (people that are important to me and surround me with love are family) God’s blessings have truly been all that He promised. I spent all day at home yesterday alone and it was one of the most reflective times ever. Throughout the day multiple things kept coming to mind that I should be thankful for and that I cherish. I sit in awe of the fact that if you truly strive towards God’s will for your life that He will bless you.

Space- It means so many different things. For a lot of people it means the final frontier the last great adventure to be had. Some people need more of space in their houses and never have enough. People love to have their own personal space while others love to invade other people’s space. Everyone though does love to have their own space, but when is it enough space and when is it too little.? People use this word so freely and all the time want some space..the famous quote is “I just need some space!” Well how much do you give the person and what kind of space is it? Do you want me to move a whole state away from you or do you just need me to sit in the passenger seat of your truck instead of the middle? Or is it like no contact space…am I like suffocating you? Is there no room for you to breathe am I really that close space? You see space is a very broad word that people use to mean different things, so the next time you use the word please clarify completely which space you want.